Excerpt from The New Psychology for Managing People
by Mortimer R. Feinberg et al.
Try to think back to a time when you felt incredibly confident.
You instinctively knew you could handle whatever came at you. You were on top of things, making all the right moves. You were in the zone.
It’s an amazing feeling, and one that we’d probably all like to have more often.
The book The Confidence Code gets right to the point of why this element is so crucial in our lives:
Scholars are coming to see (confidence) as an essential element of internal wellbeing and happiness, a necessity for a fulfilled life. Without it you can’t achieve flow, the almost euphoric state described by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi as perfect concentration; the alignment of one’s skills with the task at hand.
We’re attracted to confidence—the true, deeply felt kind that inspires us to follow great leaders to the ends of the earth.
But go one shade darker and we find arrogance.
What’s the line between the two? It seems to be humility. True confidence can stand up to a lot, and the biggest thing it can do is stand back and make room for others’ thoughts and ideas.
Read on to discover how the two elements of confidence and humility intertwine in every interaction we have, and learn how to develop the perfect blend of both.
Both confidence and humility have giant roles in making you a respected person—and an effective leader.
The balance between the two can be incredibly delicate and nuanced, which is why I was delighted to find this sketch that perfectly illustrates the relationship:
Looking at this simple diagram, I have an immediate idea about where I tend to fall on the spectrum (toward the self-deprecation side). How about you?
The paradoxical duality of these two traits is so rare that they’re at the very pinnacle of Good to Great author Jim Collins’s leadership pyramid: Level 5.
Level 5 leadership, marked by what Collins calls “professional will and personal humility,” is what creates great companies—those that have gone from “good” to “great.”
So how do we get this elusive combo for ourselves?
Part of the reason that it’s a challenge to get the right blend of confidence and humility is that . . . well, we don’t know ourselves very well.
Consider this evidence: Though it’s statistically pretty impossible, 93% of us think we are better-than-average drivers. And 94% of university professors rate their teaching skills as better than average.
The average person thinks she or he is . . . well, better than average.
So do we have a confidence problem or a humility problem? It’s a bit of both.
Turns out, the most incompetent of us are also the most likely to overestimate ourselves, while the MVPs among us tend to underrate ourselves.
In other words, the gulf between how good we are at something and how good we think we are at something is often huge!
This paradox is known as the Dunning-Kruger effect. Jessica Hagy illustrates it like this:
And in my mind, it pretty much sums up how weird our brains are when it comes to confidence, humility, and self-evaluation.
So perhaps the first thing to know about building this perfect ratio is where you are now—do you skew more toward arrogance (too much or misplaced confidence) or self-deprecation (too little confidence)? Here are some things to consider.
Consider your gender: Overall, women tend to err toward humility and men tend to err toward overconfidence. In studies, Columbia Business School found that men, on average, rate their performance to be 30% better than it is.
Consider your part of the world: Psychologist David Dunning says that where you fall on the spectrum varies by your part of the world and its culture. Eastern cultures are more likely to value self-improvement, while Western culture venerates self-esteem.
Take the quiz: Still not sure? Take the Confidence Code confidence quiz! I’d love to hear how you did. (My results? Low confidence. Time to put some of the tactics below to work!)
The Confidence Code offers up a many great anecdcotes about how low confidence manifests itself; here are a few telltale signs you might recognize:
In researching this post, I came across a great and succinct list from Martin Babinec of behaviors it might be helpful to look out for if you feel you might be veering into arrogance. Some of these list points may be tough to read, particularly if you see yourself reflected (I know I did).
It’s interesting how most of these—both low and high confidence—have a big element of ego to them. Eckhart Tolle has some wise words on this:
I have also met many others who may be technically good at what they do but whose ego constantly sabotages their work. Only part of their attention is on the work they perform; the other part is on themselves. Their ego demands personal recognition and wastes energy in resentment if it doesn’t get enough— and it’s never enough. ‘Is someone else getting more recognition than me?’ Or their main focus of attention is profit or power, and their work is no more than a means to that end. When work is no more than a means to an end, it cannot be of high quality
Everyone knows the old trick of the job interview: If the interviewer asks you what your faults are, duck out of the question by saying that your biggest fault is that you’re a perfectionist. Now you look great!
Author Elizabeth Gilbert wants to kill the idea that perfectionism can be a good quality. In her book on creativity, Big Magic, she says:
The most evil trick about perfectionism, though, is that it disguises itself as a virtue . . . I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified . . . Perfectionism is nothing more than a deep existential angst that says, again and again, “I am not good enough and I never will be good enough.”. . . The drive for perfectionism is just a corrosive waste of time, because nothing is ever beyond criticism. At some point, you really just have to finish your work and release it as is–if only so that you can go on to make other things with a glad and determined heart.”
Perfection isn’t attainable, and it keeps us from taking action. Instead, focus on progress and improvement by developing a growth mind-set.
I’m not gonna be perfect, but I’m gonna try stuff.
That’s the mantra that Tom Kelley, author of Creative Confidence, suggests to harness the courage to act on your ideas—artistic or otherwise.
A similar mantra to live by, from The Confidence Code: “When in doubt, act.” The authors note: “Nothing builds confidence like taking action, especially when the action involves risk and failure.”
Expressing confident body language can help us get better jobs, project our thoughts more often and more assertively, and generally make us feel more successful. This chart sums up some great overall pointers:
Social psychologist Amy Cuddy recommends quite a few power poses that have been proven to increase confidence: Here are some of them.
It’s great to recognize and share stories of mistakes and failures—failure is the biggest way that we grow.
But those of us with lower confidence can dwell on past missteps long after we’ve learned everything we can from them.
Rewire your brain to break the negative feedback loop: Replace the failure thought with three achievements and successes (even small ones are great!). Or write them down in order to recognize them, then find an alternate viewpoint.
Sometimes you have to take some inspiration from heroes of fiction—like the formidable Cookie on Empire.
Jazmine Hughes, an associate editor at the New York Times Magazine, took this tactic when she felt impostor syndrome creeping in. For a week, she donned the kind of over-the-top ensembles favored by the FOX show protagonist, and discovered a secret well of strength within herself.
When I told that coworker that I felt foolish and gaudy in my clothes, she was surprised. “I think you look amazing,” she told me. “Like you could get anything you ever wanted.” You just have to believe.
How often have you shrugged off a compliment or replied that you didn’t deserve it? Owning your accomplishments rather than dismissing them is a powerful feeling.
The Confidence Code has a simple statement you can borrow if this is a tough one:
When praised, reply, “Thank you. I appreciate that.” Use it. It’s surprising how odd, and how powerful, saying those five words will feel.
Writing in the New York Times, Tony Schwartz provides what I think is a valuable definition of humility.
Genuine humility is a reflection of neither weakness nor insecurity. Instead, it implies a respectful appreciation of the strengths of others, a lack of personal pretension, and a more relaxed sense of confidence that doesn’t require external recognition.
In this way, humility and confidence are surprisingly aligned—maybe even two sides of the same coin. If you’re looking to build the muscle of humility, here are a few ways.
Three of the most powerful words you can say to a team: “I don’t know.”
Harvard Business Review explains:
When leaders humbly admit that they don’t have all the answers, they create space for others to step forward and offer solutions. They also engender a sense of interdependence. Followers understand that the best bet is to rely on each other to work through complex, ill-defined problems.
A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: We did it ourselves.—Lao Tzu
Leaders steeped in humility empower others to lead.
The phrase “servant leadership” was coined by Robert K. Greenleaf in The Servant as Leader. Here, Greenleaf says:
It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead. That person is sharply different from one who is leader first, perhaps because of the need to assuage an unusual power drive or to acquire material possessions.
In action, it might look a bit like this:
Not only openly admitting mistakes but learning from them and sharing your experience with others is one of the most powerful ways to practice humility.
Making one’s self this vulnerable isn’t always easy, but admitting mistakes and imperfections can often open the door for exciting conversations and big change (not to mention people will like you more—we tend to connect with those who share their imperfections).
A key way to practice humility is to seek out and engage with those with different points of view.
We deeply value listening at Buffer, and Joel recently described how he handles change in a way that perfectly illustrates the value of seeking out other voices before making a decision:
Once I start to find myself moving toward a solution for any challenge, I stop myself. I then speak with those who will be affected by any potential changes to solve the challenge I’ve found. When I do this, I try to share all the context, without a solution. The goal of this method is that often I’m not even the one who comes up with solutions, and the changes we make are more fully embraced as a result.
Good to Great author Jim Collins offers up two points about the qualities of humble leaders that really resonate with me. The humble leader:
When your ego threatens to get in the way, try reframing. Remind yourself that you serve on behalf of the team, or the organization, or for the benefit of others, rather than for yourself. This method, counterintuitively, is one from The Confidence Code designed to increase confidence by moving the spotlight, but I think it works just as well for humility building.
We’ve talked a lot about how overconfidence can spill over into arrogance, but is that always the case? Research from The Confidence Code says no.
Cameron Anderson, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, studied confidence in students and found that those with the highest confidence (even when the confidence was misplaced) “achieved the highest social status”—including respect, prominence, and influence. “Despite being the less competent students, they ended up being the most respected and had the most influence with their peers.”
Their overconfidence did not come across as narcissistic or arrogant because they weren’t faking it—and that made others gravitate toward them.
Here’s how I read this: As long as you keep focused on humility and the beginner’s mind, it seems that there’s no amount of confidence that’s inherently bad—and it might even be beneficial.
As an example, entrepreneurs have been shown to be overconfident in a number of ways:
And all of that might be the reason that they can do what they do, despite overwhelming odds against them. Entrepreneur and angel investor David S. Rose told The New Yorker:
You have to have an unreasonable level of confidence as an entrepreneur, or you’ll never get started. Starting a company is extraordinarily difficult, even agonizing. You need self-confidence and ego to get through it.
It was truly enlightening to explore the relationship between confidence and humility and discover that they can, in fact, live together in harmony—with wondrous results. It’s our job to keep working toward that perfect seesaw balance.
Which are you more focused on working on: confidence or humility? How have the two worked together in your life? Have you encountered humble confidence in others, and how did it feel to you? Excited to hear all of your thoughts in the comments!
https://www.fastcompany.com/
I found this simple framework quite powerful to coach and mentor individuals who tend to slip away into victim behaviors or mindsets when the going gets tough.
Shared this with a few business leaders, owners & CXOs and the immediate response was to identify people in their teams who they could slot into one of the respective levels.
P.s - Not taking credit for the model, I came across this and due credit to whoever illustrated this in this simple form.
The Director Competency Framework is designed for company directors and senior leaders. Using three dimensions – knowledge, skills and mindset – the framework provides an accessible, measurable and achievable guide to the skills and behaviours required to become a better director.
https://cutt.ly/x7035Bk
Delegation isn't simply about passing work down the command chain.
Effective delegation requires understanding which tasks and decisions need to be handed off and who is best suited within your organization to tackle them.
To help people become better delegators, OnDeck created an infographic (below) that explores the strategies of successful leaders.
It covers delegation tips from ten well-known entrepreneurs and executives, including Mark Zuckerberg, Sara Blakely, and Bill Gates.
https://cutt.ly/4017HDT
With uncommon qualities and characteristics, these future-ready leaders will drive organizations to adapt, collaborate, and excel in disruptive times.
This study reveals the skills that leaders will need in the future of business—and in today’s increasingly disruptive environment. We uncover how many leaders are performing highly in these areas and where there is a pressing need for improvement. By analyzing the leadership profiles of 150,000 leaders from the Korn Ferry Institute’s proprietary data, the study underlines the five key qualities of effective, future-focused leadership—qualities which correlate with a country’s ability to innovate and which correlate with a company’s likelihood of being an acclaimed brand. It also reveals how well leaders in 18 key global markets are performing in each dimension, and where improvement is urgently needed.
Additionally, the study uses opinion research from 795 investors and analysts to model the gap between the current supply of these high-performance behaviors and the market’s demand for them, to reveal just how wide leadership skills shortages are globally and by market.
Leaders of the future will need to retain a self-disruptive outlook as a central feature of their leadership style to prosper.
With 67% of investors insisting that the current leadership pool is not fit for the future, it’s no surprise then that investor confidence in current leadership styles and organizations is wavering. Organizations could be faced with a double bind if they fail to develop self-disruptive behaviors. Not only will they be less able to adapt to the changing business environment, they may face a penalty from those who evaluate their businesses.
Each of the five dimensions qualify as the top priority for leadership development in at least one economy, according to the gap between the ADAPT qualities leaders possess and the qualities investors demand.
Becoming a Self-Disruptive Leader is not subject to the development or enhancement of a set of skills. It’s a mindset and the ability to constantly challenge your own beliefs and assumptions. Your mindset helps you organize your belief system and sets the course for behaviors and actions. We believe that the future of work demands a new mindset and a new course of behaviors and actions, and only those leaders who have the courage to challenge themselves have a chance to effectively lead their organizations into the future.
This short quiz has been designed to introduce the concepts of the Self-Disruptive Leader and generate initial curiosity about yourself. It doesn’t intend to be a substitute for psychometric assessment. If you are interested in getting more reliable results and receiving feedback, please contact credible resources for professional services.
The pursuit of Self-Disruptive Leaders will mean seeking them out in unusual places, and it is crucial that talented people are not blocked because they do not fit traditional training or personality criteria. As a group, tomorrow’s leaders will look and act differently to current directors and C-suite executives. They will have attended a variety of schools and come from a range of different places, and many will have risen to the top through non-traditional paths. Diversity and inclusion will become more imperative than ever, and talent assessment—with true insight, objectivity, and value—will be vital.
To create opportunities in an ever-fluctuating world, organizations need Self-Disruptive Leaders—people who are engines of change, but also generate it from within, at the pace of their business. Traditional training routes aren’t equipped to solve the leadership crisis, often producing outmoded mindsets that can’t keep up with the rate of change. Instead, a revolution in how companies develop leaders is vital for closing the leadership pipeline gap.
To capitalize on an increasingly disruptive world, companies must accelerate their identification, recruitment, retention, development, and promotion of leaders with self-disruptive potential at all levels of the business. Organizations must develop a culture that empowers everyone within them to challenge their own thinking and disrupt themselves. This final point underpins the solution to the leadership crisis. Leadership can no longer be isolated and inscrutable: by cascading ADAPT proficiencies throughout the organization, companies will develop a self-perpetuating ecosystem of leaders, ready for whatever the future of work brings.
