Respond, don't react

 

90% of the things that hurt your feelings

had nothing to do with you:

Someone snaps at you in a meeting.
A friend goes quiet out of nowhere.
Your boss gives feedback that stings.

And your first thought is, "What did I do wrong?"

Probably nothing.

That person was stressed. Tired. Carrying something you know nothing about.

But you took it home with you.

Replayed it.
Lost sleep over it.
Made it yours when it never was.

I used to do this constantly.

One sideways comment and I would carry it for days.

Not because I was weak.

Because I had no system for deciding what was mine to carry and what was not.

So I started running everything through six questions before I respond to anything that feels personal.

1. Can I separate myself from this?
2. Am I hearing or reacting?
3. What was their actual intent?
4. Is this really about me?
5. Can I release this?
6. What response serves me best?

That is my SHIELD method in the infographic.

And it works because it slows you down just enough to choose.

The goal is not to stop feeling.

The goal is to stop letting someone else's bad morning become your bad afternoon (and sometimes bad week when we let it).

The strongest people I know are not the ones who always have the perfect comeback.

They are the ones who never needed one.

https://tinyurl.com/ycxnp6vp