Difficult conversation are decided before you say a word.

 

You can do most of a difficult conversation before you ever have it.

You usually know what needs to be said. The problem is...

...that you keep putting the conversation off, and then you try to find the right words while the other person is sitting in front of you.

Three things normally go wrong:

❌ You over-explain to take the sting out of it

❌You argue the moment they push back

❌ You drop the point to keep the peace.

When I was Head of People for an 1,800-person division at KPMG, a large part of the job was the conversations nobody enjoys.

Someone senior not getting the promotion they'd set their heart on.

Letting go of someone.

The ones that went well were almost always the ones I'd thought through properly first.

Three things that make the difference:

✅ Explain the issue in one sentence

Keep it direct and factual.

✅ Decide the one thing you're asking for

Make it clear, so they're in no doubt

✅ Agree what happens next

To ensure that something actually happens.

The carousel walks through the whole structure (it's called CLEAR), with the real words for a situation you'll recognise: someone not getting promoted.

By the time you're in the room, the words should be the easy part, because you'll have done the hard part already

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